Pascale asked me yesterday if i have any regrets about spending this time in Lillebonne. I quickly responded in the negative. She was worried that i felt like i had wasted a year, which couldn't be further from the truth.
I had wanted to come to France for so long that had i not done it, i would be wondering about it for the rest of my life. Discovering that i don't really want to live here and deal with all things French is just as important as coming here and discovering the opposite would have been. I will still come to France for holidays, and now i know people here that i can visit.
As far as the future, one never knows what that will bring, but it will work itself out. I tried to work out if going to graduate school was a cop-out for me, a delay-tactic used by so many others before me. Maybe it is, but at least i will be working toward something a little more concrete than i ever have in the past.
In these months in France, i have realized that i will never learn the language well enough to be an effective teacher here (or if i did, it would take too long). I have also realized that i really like working with children, even those in the midst of le crise d'adolescence. Watching some of the teachers at work, i have been amazed at their rapport with the students and their ability to be disciplinarians while keeping the atmosphere in the classroom friendly. They push the students much more than i do, and they get results. I wanted to ask one of them the other day, "how do you do that?" but then i realized that it was the result of 25 years of experience.
I may not have been happy the whole time here, but i have learned invaluable things and met invaluable people. And i have been happy for most of it, i guess.
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